Jesus Sympathizes

Hebrews 4:15-16 ESV

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

These verses have been a huge encouragement to me as I've been struggling to be content with this present moment of singleness. It's a blessing and a comfort to know that the Lord of all creation actually knows how I'm feeling. With that, I can rest and not worry so much about it and keep my focus on what I should be doing for the day. The chapter  begins by talking about rest and how fascinating that in the believer's time of need, he receives rest.

The Saving One Already Knows Me.

I'm telling myself 2012 is going to be the year I get married. I actually wrote that down as a resolution. I'm sure I made God laugh when He saw it.  One thing I have realized lately is that the more I know what it is I want in a man. I ask myself, do I have those very same qualities that I'm asking for. The man that I'm asking God for is exactly who God is.  I want to fight for him, be the strength he needs when life knocks him around. But yet it's so easy to feel so insignificant. I find it so easy to think so less of myself than to see who Jesus sees me as, His.

He gave me a guardian heart for a reason but yet I hide the little girl inside me and keep her from the rest of the world. Why don't I want others to come close? If I won't even let Jesus come close, I know He's not going to send someone. Though I wish He would at times. I guess no one really can love me the way my Dad loves me. The kind of love I want in a guy is only the kind that Jesus knows how to provide.

I wish I knew how to accept love and guard it. I hate those moments when just the sight of couple gives you a sinking feeling in your gut. I cried the other day at just a sight like that. I wasn't expecting it to happen and it hurt. The most comforting thing in that moment was that I told God about it. I can't wait to be madly in love with the guy that will say Kay I am yours and I'm going to say that is so cool.

Clinging to the One Who Loves You The Most

Welcome to the new year, 2012. I have lived to enter double digits in the 2000s. That itself is a blessing. Many of you may have planned New Years, I did.I was surprised how long my list for this year was. It felt good to think of things that I would like to have done differently than I had last year. Recently the church I attended sent out a monthly newsletter. In it, the speaking pastor talked about pursuing righteousness. On my resolutions I wrote that I wanted to grow more in Christ but I never thought about pursuing it.  For me, lately I've been afraid to pursue anything.

That includes pursuing Christ. For me being the one that always pursued the guys only to get hurt. That idea sends me running in the opposite direction. It scares me to pursue Christ wholeheartedly, I mean the most intimate details about me. To give him that level of control of my heart is a frightening thing. I woke up this morning to James 1:22-25:
 

²² But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. ²³ For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. ²⁴ For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. ²⁵ But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. 

This has been a great struggle for me to do this because I have not allowed God to get close to my heart. It's foolish to even think this but yeah, I can't get myself to do this. It only leaves me frustrated and stuck in this rut that I really want to get out of. It's so surprising and weird at the same time to see what sin inside you looks like. It's like seeing The Spirit in you and seeing your flesh and I look away. I forgot to look at the Spirit in me who's working to show what I am in Christ. How beautiful that is to be known as His. It's going to take me some time to accept and believe this. It's not an easy thing when you feel like an orphan in this world. The unbelief that I am alone is truly a lie. I no longer want to be in the shadows of my fears. The greatest blessing I always must remember is that Christ died in my place. What it means to be a true Christian? it's bigger than anything I can wrap my mind around.

God Wins, Even in Matters of Love

Christmas is days away and I know that I wont be getting my wish on this day. Funny thing I had to remember that for us Christians, Christmas wishes are prayer requests that God definitely hears.

My Christmas wish is definitely in His hands but nothing makes you feel more dejected than seeing that your crush has no interest in you. How is it that a guy can't tell you're interested is beyond my understanding of the male mind.

I found myself putting on worldly standards in the physical aspects of things to make myself seem more appealing. Half wanting to be noticed and half no longer wanting to care, I quickly realized that if I wasn't resting in God's peace, there was no way I was going to have a favourable outcome.

The other funny thing that happened ; it was really quite hilarious watching me trying to deny this fact to myself and before. God wins every time, don't bother fighting him.

The guy that I was crushing on, God totally used the opportunity to point out someone else. It was hilarious telling God no way, I don't like that guy, it's not happening til finally had slapped me in the face with all these godly attributes, I conceded defeat.

The funnier thing that happened after that was that I didn't feel like I had to worry or stress over it. I was actually content even. Jesus is ridiculously attractive and when you see a guy that is becoming more n more like Christ, that's hot!

I don't know what God's going to do from here but I sure am going to need his help to be ready for it.

She said, "No one, Lord."

John 7:53-8:11
English Standard Version (ESV)


The Woman Caught in Adultery

53[[They went each to his own house,
John 8
1but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2 Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. 3The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst 4they said to him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery.5Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?" 6This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. 7And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." 8And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. 9But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. 10Jesus stood up and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 11She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said,"Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more."]]

The pastor at the church that I attend presented a sermon this past Sunday on this portion of Scripture. As he read, I couldn't stop thinking about the woman's response to Jesus; she called him her Lord. I'm not sure if Jesus elsewhere in the Gospel or book of John has been called Lord yet, I'm going to ask my pastor about this. Already what my pastor taught on this struck the very core of my heart but yet I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that this woman called Jesus her Lord. Simon Peter had called Jesus, The Christ, Son of the Living God (Matt. 16:16). Simon Peter was Jesus's disciple too.

I'm completely fascinated with this woman's faith, because I believe she understood the full scope of the Gospel. She simply could've answered like the Pharisees and called Jesus, Teacher. She could've also called Him her Savior but she calls Him Lord. This woman is exposed in front of everyone; she knows she's guilty as guilty can be. The shame she's dealing with. She could've been on her knees begging for God to have mercy on her, but she doesn't say anything. This kinda seems like a small precursor to Jesus standing before Pilate being falsely accused. This woman was guilty of course.

At the very same time, this very scenario involving this woman I kept thinking that this could be a picture of mankind standing before Christ the Judge for judgment and there is no defense to prove man's innocence. He is guilty as guilty can be and his punishment is death. "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23)."

Many people out there claim to be Christians and those of us that are, how often do we really live as if He's the Lord of our lives. That He's given us a free gift that we don't deserve. He told the woman to stop sinning because I've given you this free gift, I've given you better things. Your life is found in me not these things that your making yourself slaves to. In Christ, you're His prisoner now and that's a good thing. Who gives good things to a prisoner. When you're a prisoner of sin you're blind to it, you don't realize it until it's too late. And that's every kind of sin not just sexual sin. So why do we keep playing with these lousy mud pies that can't satisfy. We strive and strive and strive for better things in this life but the best thing that we need. We kick it, beat, stomp, crush the most valuable gift ever given to us. The gift that sets us free and reconciles us to God, Christ. We treat Him less than He is and why does He love us and pursue us when we don't deserve any of it?

Continuing:

When You Fail

Psalm 51:3-4 ESV

For I know my transgressions,

and my sin is ever before me.

Against you, you only, have I sinned

and done what is evil in your sight,

so that you may be justified in your words

and blameless in your judgment.

For a while I've encouraged in my blogs to persevere in sexual purity. What a difficult task it is and I admit, you will fail, maybe once or multiple times, but you will fail.

When David sinned with Bathsheba, immediately he knew who He had sinned against, God. Nothing is more sobering and humbling than when the reality of this hits you like a ton of bricks. It hurts and it hurts deeply.

But nothing is more sweeter than a heart that truly repents from sin. Immediately God does not leave you to fend for yourself. In the most difficult sin area that you struggle with, I tell you when you realize how bad you've hurt him, just as quickly before you can blink, grace and love are right at your door.

Shame wants to tell you to run and hide especially away from God's household but He is stronger and it is in the love of the saints through the power of Christ, His Spirit shows just how much love does cover a multitude of sins.

It is in His grace and love, shame can't even stand because it is that same love displayed through the saints that humbles the heart and allows God to work.

The robbery of stealing something that should be held sacred. I honestly do not know how unbelievers go around being sexually immoral and their hearts aren't being twisted into knots. That's when you realize that you really are His child.

It is going to be a fight to the end with sin, but the victory has already been won, do not lose hope.

Remember:

1. Confess and truly repent of your sin.
2. Christ bore the weight and guilt of your sin, He is advocating for you.
3. Find select people that you trust that will give you solid Biblical counsel to keep you accountable but also to help devise a plan of action to put in place when the temptation arises.
4. Ask yourself what lie am I believing? What do I believe about God? Examine the lie and what God says who He is?
5. You can't save yourself.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

This is hope of Christ that rests in you. Be encouraged when you fall.

Any recommendations to help combat sexual temptation would be tremendously welcomed.

Just Not The Same

It's just not the same when my heart wanders after another lover. Every time I cheat on my Saviour, He always comes running after me and refuses to let me go.

I didn't realize until recently that I have broken the hearts of a men that have been interested throughout my life.

It is so much safer to reject the one who cares for you than to let them in. It's quite scary to let the gentleman lead especially when feelings are not involved.

How do you not let your feelings rule and actually be able to see God at work. First thing that comes to mind is Jesus telling me to die to self and to ask how will He be best glorified?

There is a tremendous peace that comes with doing your work for the Lord. When it comes to relationships this gets a bit trickier when your mind cannot seem to quiet itself. But thanks be to the God of all grace whose sanctification reveals the sin in our hearts.

It seems like there's never a dull moment I'm not striving after marriage and motherhood. Again I give thanks to Christ for showing me that He's the only one that can stop my relentless heart.

Knowing how much I overhype, this week I was confronted by His Spirit,  Kadeesha where is your treasure? Is it in Christ or good gifts that too will never completely satisfy? It was a very sobering question that's been on my heart the last few days. The only answer I have is seeing the state of my heart through the eyes of Christ and to see that He's the only one that can make things right.

It's not fun dying to self but when my heart wants to run amock or I can't understand why I am where I am, I have to be reminded that the greatest treasure I've received is Christ pouring out His blood for me and as He reigns yet His love has not departed from me.

Oh foolish heart why do you run, why do you fail to see. The Lover of my soul, my God, Master and King, help my broken heart to see and rest in that great love which you have for me.

Crushing on the Unrepentant - Conviction Pt. 1

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It's so easy to go back to what you know [old sin habits] and not trust what God has in store. Immediately I was convicted by the Holy Spirit with 2 Peter 2:20-21(ESV):

 "For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they have again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. For it would've been better for them never to have known the way of righteousness than after knowing it to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them."


This chapter mainly focuses on false teachers and apostles and I highly recommend reaching the whole book of 2  Peter. These two verses really struck me because I have a very hard time believing that with all the wrongs that I have in my past, God would bring me a godly man that truly loves me. Instead of letting God be the Judge and have the final say over all matters in my life, I take that authority and condemn my own self when already Paul says in Romans 8:1 -

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."


Satan wants to rob me of my new found freedom and enslave me from what Christ has set me free from. I confess that it is a struggle to trust in the saving grace of Christ Jesus. All of this is foreign to my sinful nature, it's not natural. In today's society, it's all about instant gratification and self-hedonism. I try to bargain with God and justify why He should give me what I want. God quickly points out my heart's deception; being that I am His daughter then the Holy Spirit brings me before Jesus who I just realized that I'm running away from the true love of my love, again. My Dad, God Almighty, rich in love and mercy points out why this would be a very bad thing for me to disobey Him.

Pt. 2: Repentance

Because of Jesus

For the last few months I had been hoping to write blogs geared towards relationships and how to strive for sexual purity. I haven't given any how-to tips or demonstrations. A lot of what I've written has come from the wisdom of the Holy Spirit. But over and over again as I am growing in my faith and walk with the Lord, I'm blown away and saddened when I don't see God glorified in relationships. These guys are missing out on the joys and blessings that come from pursuing Him in their relationships.

Just the other day I asked myself this question: How can two people claim they love each other but when they're facing a divorce, they inflict so much damage to each other? Sometimes I think human beings are much destructive than an atom bomb. Why God loves me especially when I'm 100% capable of tremendous evil?  Jesus opened my eyes, and for all of eternity I will be thanking Him for giving me a new life and a new spirit.

It's laughable that some people jump into marriage just for marriage. A friend of mine once mentioned to me that marriage is for true Christians. It's a bold statement right, but one that may have some merit if closely examined and where the root is found. Two unsaved people and two saved people have different motives when they're married. The unsaved is all about me, the saved it's all about Christ and their dependence on Him.

When you belong to Jesus everything is much more special especially when He gets you to the place where you can truly say that He's your treasure. I get excited about marriage being a Christian because I don't have to do anything except follow the Lord. But I mean, I don't have to read books about how to get a man, what clothes to wear that will draw his eye to me, altering my body to be more attractive, or using my beauty for all the other wrong and selfish destructive reasons. The fact that 75% of the guys that I would normally go far, God's already weeded them out. So in that 25% is the guy that God has specificially chosen for me. That is the coolest thing ever because God is one at work. Just thinking about this I'm so excited because that's what being in the Lord's care does for you. He protects you and wraps you in His love. And He does give the best gifts. Oh yeah, I'm so happy I belong to Jesus and no matter how much I struggle with this sin nature, I'm still His. One day soon sin will exist no more and I and the saints will exist with Christ for all eternity. Jesus that I belong to, created the world, created me, gives me food and shelter, gave me new life in Him. He does this for all of His beloved.

I can't decide whether I'm going to do backflips on the day He returns or fall down at His feet in tears. Whatever is capable of me giving Him praise on that day, so be it. But if you don't know Jesus, that Day is going to the worse day of your life. Jesus the King is going to execute His righteous judgment on the wicked. He is going to fight for His beloved children and the best part is that He's won. That's what I can make my boast in Jesus, in Jesus alone.

This is a follow up to a blog I posted on Blogger almost two years ago:

What Not To Do When You're Drunk

It's almost been two years since I wrote that blog. I read it again just now and all I can do is just praise God for what He has brought me through. To see what God was worked on in my heart and in my life and given me hope is unfathomable. What a marvelous work He has done.

It took me two years to get over my ex-boyfriend. In that blog I called out my ex for all the hurt I had to endure because of him. But through that relationship God has taught me soo much and now I'm living this portion of my life with the right thinking that glorifies God. So many mistakes that I made, I was very naive and very clueless but God in His mercy and patience, gave me wisdom and understanding. He gave me the will to endure and to expose every hurt and healed every wound.

I am so much stronger after this relationship because I have understood what true love really is. This kind of love only comes from a deep intimate relationship with Christ Jesus where I am 100% exposed and beyond 100% safe. I know my worth, I no longer tell myself that nobody cares and I should not be here. I have a purpose, I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a God that loves me fiercely.

God has mercifully taught me to forgive my ex and to forgive myself. Two years later I have not made contact with him but graciously I pray for his salvation. I realized where his end is going to be and thus God has removed bitterness and hatred from my heart and has given me a heart of mercy and compassion. There's no need for me to want revenge because I know that in the end although he hurt me greatly, what is coming to him for his disobedience encourages me to plead with God to grant him mercy. Only God could make this possible as I know that he was my only hope and the only one that could fix the broken pieces.

Praise God for His marvelous plan that in this experience, I hope to encourage many. The right man that I'm waiting for, I'm waiting on God's timing. His instruction and His action. So much love I have learned through and so much I can't wait to share.