The Saving One Already Knows Me.

I'm telling myself 2012 is going to be the year I get married. I actually wrote that down as a resolution. I'm sure I made God laugh when He saw it.  One thing I have realized lately is that the more I know what it is I want in a man. I ask myself, do I have those very same qualities that I'm asking for. The man that I'm asking God for is exactly who God is.  I want to fight for him, be the strength he needs when life knocks him around. But yet it's so easy to feel so insignificant. I find it so easy to think so less of myself than to see who Jesus sees me as, His.

He gave me a guardian heart for a reason but yet I hide the little girl inside me and keep her from the rest of the world. Why don't I want others to come close? If I won't even let Jesus come close, I know He's not going to send someone. Though I wish He would at times. I guess no one really can love me the way my Dad loves me. The kind of love I want in a guy is only the kind that Jesus knows how to provide.

I wish I knew how to accept love and guard it. I hate those moments when just the sight of couple gives you a sinking feeling in your gut. I cried the other day at just a sight like that. I wasn't expecting it to happen and it hurt. The most comforting thing in that moment was that I told God about it. I can't wait to be madly in love with the guy that will say Kay I am yours and I'm going to say that is so cool.

The Man God Has Chosen For Me 2

I don't think I was able to explain myself well enough the last blog post so I will do my best this second time around.

 Gen. 2:23-

The man said, 
"This is now bone of my bones 
and flesh of my flesh; 
she shall be called 'woman,  'for she was taken out of man."

 

Because I was created out of the rib of a man, I know that there is a part of me that won't be complete until the right man that God has purposefully designed enters into my life. I can't even begin to grasp God's design in the midst of it. What was going through His mind when he created us. It is so sad the way that love is treated today. In the heathen world, man only looks at the exterior because he's spiritual dead and only wants what his eyes desire. 

I'll be very honest, there's many times I walk down the street or on the train and I ask myself am I going to meet my special someone in this environment today. Then I have to stop and rethink what I just said and realize that I have completely limited myself and not invited God in to choose the one for me. Again I'm not giving God control.  And why am I looking anyways! He's the one that's going to bring the guy. Remember I was the last piece added to this perfectly designed puzzle.

 

That's what so awesome about my Dad and makes me realize just how much more amazing Jesus is. The more I find out who Jesus is, the more my list of the ideal husband I pass onto Him. The more I understand just how wonderful Jesus is, guys that don't belong easily get weeded out, no matter how good looking or charming they might be. Jesus knows the man I need and I may have to accept that he may not be what I was expecting but I'm trusting Jesus to know and to remember that: 

 

James 1:17 (ESV)

    Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

 

The more I wait, the more I'm seeing things so clearly. I know that I'm not ready right now and temptation is not kind and Satan will do everything he can to tarnish your dreams. But because I belong to Christ who died for me. I know that my husband, can never do as much as Christ can but I can't see it now but I have a sliver of understanding that the way that Christ is working in the heart and life of this man is going to be something unlike anything else I've ever  experienced since I became a Christian. Even in the preparation of marriage there is mystery, wow. If I treated Christ with this very same passion and mystery and bugging God to tell me about, oh yeah, once again I forget that Christ comes first and He will not settle for me not having Him first place in my life. Wow what love, what jealousy, what passionate and He's God and Man in one, this is too wonderful. Jesus thank you for every godly husband that you've given that has pointed their wives to oggle over you and love these men in return the same as you've done to your lovely little girls.