Jesus Sympathizes

Hebrews 4:15-16 ESV

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

These verses have been a huge encouragement to me as I've been struggling to be content with this present moment of singleness. It's a blessing and a comfort to know that the Lord of all creation actually knows how I'm feeling. With that, I can rest and not worry so much about it and keep my focus on what I should be doing for the day. The chapter  begins by talking about rest and how fascinating that in the believer's time of need, he receives rest.

The Saving One Already Knows Me.

I'm telling myself 2012 is going to be the year I get married. I actually wrote that down as a resolution. I'm sure I made God laugh when He saw it.  One thing I have realized lately is that the more I know what it is I want in a man. I ask myself, do I have those very same qualities that I'm asking for. The man that I'm asking God for is exactly who God is.  I want to fight for him, be the strength he needs when life knocks him around. But yet it's so easy to feel so insignificant. I find it so easy to think so less of myself than to see who Jesus sees me as, His.

He gave me a guardian heart for a reason but yet I hide the little girl inside me and keep her from the rest of the world. Why don't I want others to come close? If I won't even let Jesus come close, I know He's not going to send someone. Though I wish He would at times. I guess no one really can love me the way my Dad loves me. The kind of love I want in a guy is only the kind that Jesus knows how to provide.

I wish I knew how to accept love and guard it. I hate those moments when just the sight of couple gives you a sinking feeling in your gut. I cried the other day at just a sight like that. I wasn't expecting it to happen and it hurt. The most comforting thing in that moment was that I told God about it. I can't wait to be madly in love with the guy that will say Kay I am yours and I'm going to say that is so cool.

Am I Lovely? Captivating?

The thought of answering this question makes my stomach tie I'm knots . Yes I know Jesus loves me but I don't fully understand how the Almighty King of Glory would be head over heels in love with me. The small number of men that have professed love for me sent me packing and running for the hills.
The very thing I desire that deep intense saturating love that all women long for, my Saviour feels the very same way about me. After all He did create for this unique reason. It makes me want to cry and the core of my soul aches because I try to fulfill this desire with everything except going to the One who designed me to have that desire completely fulfilled in him.
On my own will I walk on shaky ground because my flesh says you're not loved but Christ says He loves me.
Because of my utter failure to grab hold and treasure the sweetest gift of love I could ever receive, I have robbed sexual intimacy and sexual integrity from it's original design. Sadly I bear the greatest pain and greatest frustration. It is only in the wisdom of Christ and His sufferings on the cross for my sins, my shame and guilt have been taken away.
How blessed I should be that He did not appoint me to become a single mom. His grace is truly sufficient because I am standing in the heart of my weakness and it hurts like no other. His Spirit has not abandoned me and it's in my weakness, every corner and crevice is exposed.
I am suffering because of my own disobedience but in His discipline I have understanding of the goodness of His ways, His unfailing love and tender mercies. The battle is clinging to the Cross and the Authority of Christ. He has to renew my mind daily and I am whining like a two year old about it.
And it's in my whining His wisdom do I see how much He saved me from calamity, that He knows what's best for me and how impatient I am with him when it comes to love.
I take heart that He has redeeming powers when I fall to my own evil devices and delight in the mudpies of lustful instant gratification.
You all struggle with an area of sin that makes us ask this question, am I truly captivating? If God is captivated by us, it's time to heavenward because my viewfinder is smashed and oh how I need Him.  All glory to God that He's going to help us.

When You Fail

Psalm 51:3-4 ESV

For I know my transgressions,

and my sin is ever before me.

Against you, you only, have I sinned

and done what is evil in your sight,

so that you may be justified in your words

and blameless in your judgment.

For a while I've encouraged in my blogs to persevere in sexual purity. What a difficult task it is and I admit, you will fail, maybe once or multiple times, but you will fail.

When David sinned with Bathsheba, immediately he knew who He had sinned against, God. Nothing is more sobering and humbling than when the reality of this hits you like a ton of bricks. It hurts and it hurts deeply.

But nothing is more sweeter than a heart that truly repents from sin. Immediately God does not leave you to fend for yourself. In the most difficult sin area that you struggle with, I tell you when you realize how bad you've hurt him, just as quickly before you can blink, grace and love are right at your door.

Shame wants to tell you to run and hide especially away from God's household but He is stronger and it is in the love of the saints through the power of Christ, His Spirit shows just how much love does cover a multitude of sins.

It is in His grace and love, shame can't even stand because it is that same love displayed through the saints that humbles the heart and allows God to work.

The robbery of stealing something that should be held sacred. I honestly do not know how unbelievers go around being sexually immoral and their hearts aren't being twisted into knots. That's when you realize that you really are His child.

It is going to be a fight to the end with sin, but the victory has already been won, do not lose hope.

Remember:

1. Confess and truly repent of your sin.
2. Christ bore the weight and guilt of your sin, He is advocating for you.
3. Find select people that you trust that will give you solid Biblical counsel to keep you accountable but also to help devise a plan of action to put in place when the temptation arises.
4. Ask yourself what lie am I believing? What do I believe about God? Examine the lie and what God says who He is?
5. You can't save yourself.

2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

This is hope of Christ that rests in you. Be encouraged when you fall.

Any recommendations to help combat sexual temptation would be tremendously welcomed.

Just Not The Same

It's just not the same when my heart wanders after another lover. Every time I cheat on my Saviour, He always comes running after me and refuses to let me go.

I didn't realize until recently that I have broken the hearts of a men that have been interested throughout my life.

It is so much safer to reject the one who cares for you than to let them in. It's quite scary to let the gentleman lead especially when feelings are not involved.

How do you not let your feelings rule and actually be able to see God at work. First thing that comes to mind is Jesus telling me to die to self and to ask how will He be best glorified?

There is a tremendous peace that comes with doing your work for the Lord. When it comes to relationships this gets a bit trickier when your mind cannot seem to quiet itself. But thanks be to the God of all grace whose sanctification reveals the sin in our hearts.

It seems like there's never a dull moment I'm not striving after marriage and motherhood. Again I give thanks to Christ for showing me that He's the only one that can stop my relentless heart.

Knowing how much I overhype, this week I was confronted by His Spirit,  Kadeesha where is your treasure? Is it in Christ or good gifts that too will never completely satisfy? It was a very sobering question that's been on my heart the last few days. The only answer I have is seeing the state of my heart through the eyes of Christ and to see that He's the only one that can make things right.

It's not fun dying to self but when my heart wants to run amock or I can't understand why I am where I am, I have to be reminded that the greatest treasure I've received is Christ pouring out His blood for me and as He reigns yet His love has not departed from me.

Oh foolish heart why do you run, why do you fail to see. The Lover of my soul, my God, Master and King, help my broken heart to see and rest in that great love which you have for me.

The Waiting that Never Seems To End

I don't know how some people can wait it out so long to find their true love. Sitting here waiting feels like serving a prison sentence. Longing for that one that was designed to complete you. Everytime this feeling sets in and it always does when I break my Father's heart because of sins that I refuse to confess, I see how much I long for Jesus to come back.

I long for His return when things will be right again. When the God of all creation made me to glorify Him, that day is coming when I can love Him back as hinderances have been wiped away from His sight.

Hebrews 12:1-2 ESV

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."

I wish he was here and oh all the hot guys who are so dead without Christ. Already God is challenging me to pray for these lost sheep. He doesnt always give you what you want. I know I could easily be ripped apart if I laid any claims that I deserve to be married. I deserve God's wrath that I know for sure. How mercifully in my deepest longing for a companion I see the weight of my sin. He knows my sorrows and my shame and like this I must come before Him everything exposed.

One day I hope to get to meet my companion. I can hype marriage up beyond looking at Christ as my greatest possession but I have an idea that God wont bring him into my life until I can trust Him that that is not all my life is cracked up to be.

To be a wife and mother is a high calling which I believe He will answer but it's a matter of how much will I trust and obey.

This is a follow up to a blog I posted on Blogger almost two years ago:

What Not To Do When You're Drunk

It's almost been two years since I wrote that blog. I read it again just now and all I can do is just praise God for what He has brought me through. To see what God was worked on in my heart and in my life and given me hope is unfathomable. What a marvelous work He has done.

It took me two years to get over my ex-boyfriend. In that blog I called out my ex for all the hurt I had to endure because of him. But through that relationship God has taught me soo much and now I'm living this portion of my life with the right thinking that glorifies God. So many mistakes that I made, I was very naive and very clueless but God in His mercy and patience, gave me wisdom and understanding. He gave me the will to endure and to expose every hurt and healed every wound.

I am so much stronger after this relationship because I have understood what true love really is. This kind of love only comes from a deep intimate relationship with Christ Jesus where I am 100% exposed and beyond 100% safe. I know my worth, I no longer tell myself that nobody cares and I should not be here. I have a purpose, I am fearfully and wonderfully made by a God that loves me fiercely.

God has mercifully taught me to forgive my ex and to forgive myself. Two years later I have not made contact with him but graciously I pray for his salvation. I realized where his end is going to be and thus God has removed bitterness and hatred from my heart and has given me a heart of mercy and compassion. There's no need for me to want revenge because I know that in the end although he hurt me greatly, what is coming to him for his disobedience encourages me to plead with God to grant him mercy. Only God could make this possible as I know that he was my only hope and the only one that could fix the broken pieces.

Praise God for His marvelous plan that in this experience, I hope to encourage many. The right man that I'm waiting for, I'm waiting on God's timing. His instruction and His action. So much love I have learned through and so much I can't wait to share.