Future Spouse...Like a Hiring Manager, Right?

My first blog in over two years! Yikes! A lot has happened in that time. So reading the title of this blog post you're probably like what the heck is this girl talking about. For those of us singles, have you ever felt like trying to find your future spouse is like interviewing with a hiring manager?
I don't know if you're anything like me but I have always been that girl that told every guy that I have ever had a crush on that I liked them. I can almost name all of the guys that I've had crushes on and told them. Actually found a note I wrote to a guy asking him out in high school the other day. But everything I would always get rejected, except that one time....that didn't end well either. Yeah never mind I've gotten rejected every single time. I know what you're thinking, I should know better and if the donts pop into your mind, you're already ahead of me. But for those of us that didn't grow up being educated about how relationships are initiated, the kind of relationships that will land you your future spouse.
I hate when I get a crush on a guy. A crush is like going on a job interview. You do everything you can think of to prepare and set your best foot forward to impress the hiring manager so that you'll land the job. You nail the interview and you're now waiting for the phone call only to find out that someone else got the job.

Finding a future spouse can seem like that at times and it's a disheartening experience that can leave a lot of people jaded and hopeless. But God has wonderful intentions for marriage. if you're like me, stubborn and hard-headed.  You'd think I'd get this after the umpteenth rejection but noooo. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago but The Lord opened the eyes of my heart to understand that my future spouse is not a hiring manager.  I don't know what's wrong with me and liking white guys who are younger than me. I'm turning into a cougar!!! LOL Turns out this gentleman has a girlfriend. Relationships and jobs, dealing with the what if's when it comes to people in these areas can be really unnerving when you're trying to land one. But what has helped me when it comes to crushes and not let my thoughts get all sorts of crazy is, remembering that God is going to be the one that moves his heart to see (desire) me. God will bring joy in this relationship, He will bring a purpose for the relationship, The Lord will provide the opportunities and the means for both parties to actually establish a relationship that will provide peace and trust in Christ. I won't have a desire to be in control but to relinquish control because God is working this out for my good and His glory. When I reason like this and I have to, cause my mind will go nuts if I don't; I find that it is so much easier to love my brother in Christ and see past the attraction and the initial things that us girls want to make us plan our weddings right away. I find it easier to listen to him, respect him, give God thanks for his obedience and faith in Christ. It helps me gain self-control and confront whether I'm loving him or loving myself. I'm finally at a point where I'm like God you do it, get me out of the way!

Am I Lovely? Captivating?

The thought of answering this question makes my stomach tie I'm knots . Yes I know Jesus loves me but I don't fully understand how the Almighty King of Glory would be head over heels in love with me. The small number of men that have professed love for me sent me packing and running for the hills.
The very thing I desire that deep intense saturating love that all women long for, my Saviour feels the very same way about me. After all He did create for this unique reason. It makes me want to cry and the core of my soul aches because I try to fulfill this desire with everything except going to the One who designed me to have that desire completely fulfilled in him.
On my own will I walk on shaky ground because my flesh says you're not loved but Christ says He loves me.
Because of my utter failure to grab hold and treasure the sweetest gift of love I could ever receive, I have robbed sexual intimacy and sexual integrity from it's original design. Sadly I bear the greatest pain and greatest frustration. It is only in the wisdom of Christ and His sufferings on the cross for my sins, my shame and guilt have been taken away.
How blessed I should be that He did not appoint me to become a single mom. His grace is truly sufficient because I am standing in the heart of my weakness and it hurts like no other. His Spirit has not abandoned me and it's in my weakness, every corner and crevice is exposed.
I am suffering because of my own disobedience but in His discipline I have understanding of the goodness of His ways, His unfailing love and tender mercies. The battle is clinging to the Cross and the Authority of Christ. He has to renew my mind daily and I am whining like a two year old about it.
And it's in my whining His wisdom do I see how much He saved me from calamity, that He knows what's best for me and how impatient I am with him when it comes to love.
I take heart that He has redeeming powers when I fall to my own evil devices and delight in the mudpies of lustful instant gratification.
You all struggle with an area of sin that makes us ask this question, am I truly captivating? If God is captivated by us, it's time to heavenward because my viewfinder is smashed and oh how I need Him.  All glory to God that He's going to help us.

Jealousy of Those in Relationships

Over the last few weeks a number of my Christian friends have either started new relationships, gotten engaged or have gotten married. I'm excited for all of this happening in the lives of my friends but I confess my sinful flesh has brought up twinges of jealousy. Especially if you're on the single end of the spectrum, thoughts like : "What about me? Don't I deserve happiness too?" Satan begins to feed lies of jealousy, apathy, pride, anything that he can use to get us to not trust in God.

When I feel my own heart starting to go astray, by the power of the Holy Spirit I am stopped dead in my tracks. Only by His will because my heart really wants to go astray. I'm reminded of Jeremiah 17:9NIV - the heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? It is only then I realize that my heart is look not looking to please God. I have told Him in my heart that what He has ordained for me right now is not sufficient.

Realizing the error of my ways and the ultimate nature of sin is to lead me to death, the fear of the Lord leads me in the correct wisdom and I see in the midst of my sin that the Lord is always with me and catches me before I stumble. Verses in Scripture that encouraging for such a situation like this when Satan has cornered you is:

Proverbs 9:10
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom,and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.
2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Peter 1:3
[ Make Your Calling and Election Sure ] His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to lifegodliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, and

When I think of all that Jesus has done for us, I have to submit to the will of God because again I understand that my desires wants to lead me to death but God's greater plan  lead me to life and for all those who have been called by Him. How has Christ helped you in this situation? I sign off with this verse of encouragement:

1. I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, 2.with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, 3. eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Ephesians 4: 1-3(ESV)