The Saving One Already Knows Me.

I'm telling myself 2012 is going to be the year I get married. I actually wrote that down as a resolution. I'm sure I made God laugh when He saw it.  One thing I have realized lately is that the more I know what it is I want in a man. I ask myself, do I have those very same qualities that I'm asking for. The man that I'm asking God for is exactly who God is.  I want to fight for him, be the strength he needs when life knocks him around. But yet it's so easy to feel so insignificant. I find it so easy to think so less of myself than to see who Jesus sees me as, His.

He gave me a guardian heart for a reason but yet I hide the little girl inside me and keep her from the rest of the world. Why don't I want others to come close? If I won't even let Jesus come close, I know He's not going to send someone. Though I wish He would at times. I guess no one really can love me the way my Dad loves me. The kind of love I want in a guy is only the kind that Jesus knows how to provide.

I wish I knew how to accept love and guard it. I hate those moments when just the sight of couple gives you a sinking feeling in your gut. I cried the other day at just a sight like that. I wasn't expecting it to happen and it hurt. The most comforting thing in that moment was that I told God about it. I can't wait to be madly in love with the guy that will say Kay I am yours and I'm going to say that is so cool.

God Wins, Even in Matters of Love

Christmas is days away and I know that I wont be getting my wish on this day. Funny thing I had to remember that for us Christians, Christmas wishes are prayer requests that God definitely hears.

My Christmas wish is definitely in His hands but nothing makes you feel more dejected than seeing that your crush has no interest in you. How is it that a guy can't tell you're interested is beyond my understanding of the male mind.

I found myself putting on worldly standards in the physical aspects of things to make myself seem more appealing. Half wanting to be noticed and half no longer wanting to care, I quickly realized that if I wasn't resting in God's peace, there was no way I was going to have a favourable outcome.

The other funny thing that happened ; it was really quite hilarious watching me trying to deny this fact to myself and before. God wins every time, don't bother fighting him.

The guy that I was crushing on, God totally used the opportunity to point out someone else. It was hilarious telling God no way, I don't like that guy, it's not happening til finally had slapped me in the face with all these godly attributes, I conceded defeat.

The funnier thing that happened after that was that I didn't feel like I had to worry or stress over it. I was actually content even. Jesus is ridiculously attractive and when you see a guy that is becoming more n more like Christ, that's hot!

I don't know what God's going to do from here but I sure am going to need his help to be ready for it.