I'm telling myself 2012 is going to be the year I get married. I actually wrote that down as a resolution. I'm sure I made God laugh when He saw it. One thing I have realized lately is that the more I know what it is I want in a man. I ask myself, do I have those very same qualities that I'm asking for. The man that I'm asking God for is exactly who God is. I want to fight for him, be the strength he needs when life knocks him around. But yet it's so easy to feel so insignificant. I find it so easy to think so less of myself than to see who Jesus sees me as, His.
He gave me a guardian heart for a reason but yet I hide the little girl inside me and keep her from the rest of the world. Why don't I want others to come close? If I won't even let Jesus come close, I know He's not going to send someone. Though I wish He would at times. I guess no one really can love me the way my Dad loves me. The kind of love I want in a guy is only the kind that Jesus knows how to provide.
I wish I knew how to accept love and guard it. I hate those moments when just the sight of couple gives you a sinking feeling in your gut. I cried the other day at just a sight like that. I wasn't expecting it to happen and it hurt. The most comforting thing in that moment was that I told God about it. I can't wait to be madly in love with the guy that will say Kay I am yours and I'm going to say that is so cool.
Showing posts with label conviction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label conviction. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Friday, March 25, 2011
Crushing on the Unrepentant - Conviction Pt. 1
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It's so easy to go back to what you know [old sin habits] and not trust what God has in store. Immediately I was convicted by the Holy Spirit with 2 Peter 2:20-21(ESV):
"For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they have again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. For it would've been better for them never to have known the way of righteousness than after knowing it to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them."
This chapter mainly focuses on false teachers and apostles and I highly recommend reaching the whole book of 2 Peter. These two verses really struck me because I have a very hard time believing that with all the wrongs that I have in my past, God would bring me a godly man that truly loves me. Instead of letting God be the Judge and have the final say over all matters in my life, I take that authority and condemn my own self when already Paul says in Romans 8:1 -
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
Satan wants to rob me of my new found freedom and enslave me from what Christ has set me free from. I confess that it is a struggle to trust in the saving grace of Christ Jesus. All of this is foreign to my sinful nature, it's not natural. In today's society, it's all about instant gratification and self-hedonism. I try to bargain with God and justify why He should give me what I want. God quickly points out my heart's deception; being that I am His daughter then the Holy Spirit brings me before Jesus who I just realized that I'm running away from the true love of my love, again. My Dad, God Almighty, rich in love and mercy points out why this would be a very bad thing for me to disobey Him.
It's so easy to go back to what you know [old sin habits] and not trust what God has in store. Immediately I was convicted by the Holy Spirit with 2 Peter 2:20-21(ESV):
"For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they have again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. For it would've been better for them never to have known the way of righteousness than after knowing it to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them."
This chapter mainly focuses on false teachers and apostles and I highly recommend reaching the whole book of 2 Peter. These two verses really struck me because I have a very hard time believing that with all the wrongs that I have in my past, God would bring me a godly man that truly loves me. Instead of letting God be the Judge and have the final say over all matters in my life, I take that authority and condemn my own self when already Paul says in Romans 8:1 -
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
Satan wants to rob me of my new found freedom and enslave me from what Christ has set me free from. I confess that it is a struggle to trust in the saving grace of Christ Jesus. All of this is foreign to my sinful nature, it's not natural. In today's society, it's all about instant gratification and self-hedonism. I try to bargain with God and justify why He should give me what I want. God quickly points out my heart's deception; being that I am His daughter then the Holy Spirit brings me before Jesus who I just realized that I'm running away from the true love of my love, again. My Dad, God Almighty, rich in love and mercy points out why this would be a very bad thing for me to disobey Him.
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