Future Spouse...Like a Hiring Manager, Right?

My first blog in over two years! Yikes! A lot has happened in that time. So reading the title of this blog post you're probably like what the heck is this girl talking about. For those of us singles, have you ever felt like trying to find your future spouse is like interviewing with a hiring manager?
I don't know if you're anything like me but I have always been that girl that told every guy that I have ever had a crush on that I liked them. I can almost name all of the guys that I've had crushes on and told them. Actually found a note I wrote to a guy asking him out in high school the other day. But everything I would always get rejected, except that one time....that didn't end well either. Yeah never mind I've gotten rejected every single time. I know what you're thinking, I should know better and if the donts pop into your mind, you're already ahead of me. But for those of us that didn't grow up being educated about how relationships are initiated, the kind of relationships that will land you your future spouse.
I hate when I get a crush on a guy. A crush is like going on a job interview. You do everything you can think of to prepare and set your best foot forward to impress the hiring manager so that you'll land the job. You nail the interview and you're now waiting for the phone call only to find out that someone else got the job.

Finding a future spouse can seem like that at times and it's a disheartening experience that can leave a lot of people jaded and hopeless. But God has wonderful intentions for marriage. if you're like me, stubborn and hard-headed.  You'd think I'd get this after the umpteenth rejection but noooo. It wasn't until a couple of weeks ago but The Lord opened the eyes of my heart to understand that my future spouse is not a hiring manager.  I don't know what's wrong with me and liking white guys who are younger than me. I'm turning into a cougar!!! LOL Turns out this gentleman has a girlfriend. Relationships and jobs, dealing with the what if's when it comes to people in these areas can be really unnerving when you're trying to land one. But what has helped me when it comes to crushes and not let my thoughts get all sorts of crazy is, remembering that God is going to be the one that moves his heart to see (desire) me. God will bring joy in this relationship, He will bring a purpose for the relationship, The Lord will provide the opportunities and the means for both parties to actually establish a relationship that will provide peace and trust in Christ. I won't have a desire to be in control but to relinquish control because God is working this out for my good and His glory. When I reason like this and I have to, cause my mind will go nuts if I don't; I find that it is so much easier to love my brother in Christ and see past the attraction and the initial things that us girls want to make us plan our weddings right away. I find it easier to listen to him, respect him, give God thanks for his obedience and faith in Christ. It helps me gain self-control and confront whether I'm loving him or loving myself. I'm finally at a point where I'm like God you do it, get me out of the way!

Jesus Sympathizes

Hebrews 4:15-16 ESV

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

These verses have been a huge encouragement to me as I've been struggling to be content with this present moment of singleness. It's a blessing and a comfort to know that the Lord of all creation actually knows how I'm feeling. With that, I can rest and not worry so much about it and keep my focus on what I should be doing for the day. The chapter  begins by talking about rest and how fascinating that in the believer's time of need, he receives rest.

The Saving One Already Knows Me.

I'm telling myself 2012 is going to be the year I get married. I actually wrote that down as a resolution. I'm sure I made God laugh when He saw it.  One thing I have realized lately is that the more I know what it is I want in a man. I ask myself, do I have those very same qualities that I'm asking for. The man that I'm asking God for is exactly who God is.  I want to fight for him, be the strength he needs when life knocks him around. But yet it's so easy to feel so insignificant. I find it so easy to think so less of myself than to see who Jesus sees me as, His.

He gave me a guardian heart for a reason but yet I hide the little girl inside me and keep her from the rest of the world. Why don't I want others to come close? If I won't even let Jesus come close, I know He's not going to send someone. Though I wish He would at times. I guess no one really can love me the way my Dad loves me. The kind of love I want in a guy is only the kind that Jesus knows how to provide.

I wish I knew how to accept love and guard it. I hate those moments when just the sight of couple gives you a sinking feeling in your gut. I cried the other day at just a sight like that. I wasn't expecting it to happen and it hurt. The most comforting thing in that moment was that I told God about it. I can't wait to be madly in love with the guy that will say Kay I am yours and I'm going to say that is so cool.

Clinging to the One Who Loves You The Most

Welcome to the new year, 2012. I have lived to enter double digits in the 2000s. That itself is a blessing. Many of you may have planned New Years, I did.I was surprised how long my list for this year was. It felt good to think of things that I would like to have done differently than I had last year. Recently the church I attended sent out a monthly newsletter. In it, the speaking pastor talked about pursuing righteousness. On my resolutions I wrote that I wanted to grow more in Christ but I never thought about pursuing it.  For me, lately I've been afraid to pursue anything.

That includes pursuing Christ. For me being the one that always pursued the guys only to get hurt. That idea sends me running in the opposite direction. It scares me to pursue Christ wholeheartedly, I mean the most intimate details about me. To give him that level of control of my heart is a frightening thing. I woke up this morning to James 1:22-25:
 

²² But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. ²³ For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. ²⁴ For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. ²⁵ But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. 

This has been a great struggle for me to do this because I have not allowed God to get close to my heart. It's foolish to even think this but yeah, I can't get myself to do this. It only leaves me frustrated and stuck in this rut that I really want to get out of. It's so surprising and weird at the same time to see what sin inside you looks like. It's like seeing The Spirit in you and seeing your flesh and I look away. I forgot to look at the Spirit in me who's working to show what I am in Christ. How beautiful that is to be known as His. It's going to take me some time to accept and believe this. It's not an easy thing when you feel like an orphan in this world. The unbelief that I am alone is truly a lie. I no longer want to be in the shadows of my fears. The greatest blessing I always must remember is that Christ died in my place. What it means to be a true Christian? it's bigger than anything I can wrap my mind around.

God Wins, Even in Matters of Love

Christmas is days away and I know that I wont be getting my wish on this day. Funny thing I had to remember that for us Christians, Christmas wishes are prayer requests that God definitely hears.

My Christmas wish is definitely in His hands but nothing makes you feel more dejected than seeing that your crush has no interest in you. How is it that a guy can't tell you're interested is beyond my understanding of the male mind.

I found myself putting on worldly standards in the physical aspects of things to make myself seem more appealing. Half wanting to be noticed and half no longer wanting to care, I quickly realized that if I wasn't resting in God's peace, there was no way I was going to have a favourable outcome.

The other funny thing that happened ; it was really quite hilarious watching me trying to deny this fact to myself and before. God wins every time, don't bother fighting him.

The guy that I was crushing on, God totally used the opportunity to point out someone else. It was hilarious telling God no way, I don't like that guy, it's not happening til finally had slapped me in the face with all these godly attributes, I conceded defeat.

The funnier thing that happened after that was that I didn't feel like I had to worry or stress over it. I was actually content even. Jesus is ridiculously attractive and when you see a guy that is becoming more n more like Christ, that's hot!

I don't know what God's going to do from here but I sure am going to need his help to be ready for it.

She said, "No one,Lord." Part 2

In this present time in this country, many young adults and middle-aged alike have been falsely deceived regarding their sexuality. Globalized-leading economies and greedy moneymakers from various industries have caused many men and women to think that they're sexually free when the devastating truth is that they're in bondage. This sexual revolution breaks down marriage, breaks down families, it breaks down societies. Rapes go up, prostitution go up, sexual infections and diseases go up, children being born out of wedlock.

"20- and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. 21- And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, 22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, (Colossians 1:20-22)."

This is not sexual freedom, it's rebellion from the rules that were put in place to protect you. There are going to be consequences for living in the passions of the flesh. It's desire is to destroy you. Do you get this, sin's goal is to destroy YOU and keep YOU from GOD and YOU are POWERLESS to stop it. Why do you want to die for the temporary fleeting things in this life that you do not own and cannot satisfy. Sleeping around is NOT going to make you complete. It robs you of the deep lasting intimacy that should've been reserved for your husband. You should've been waiting for him and don't blame society because everybody's doing it. I'm preaching to myself as I say this. When you stand before God, He's going to ask YOU what did you do with your life for me?

Every human being is going to have to stand before God. I bought into the lie that sleeping around was sexually freeing. I had multiple partners and I couldn't understand for the life of me why I couldn't keep a man or get a boyfriend. My ex never said this to me but the guy that I fell in love, in some way I believe he broke up with me because of this though he's never said it to my face. How do you deal with the hurt of something like that? What do you do when the world tells you that it's okay to sleep around but right back treats you like a prostitute? One night I finally saw if I kept doing what I was doing, chasing race cars with no car, I knew death would be soon encroaching on me. this was December 2008. I told God I wanted out, this was not how I should be living. He answered my prayer and removed me from it. I've come to know of other girls who have been through the same situation as myself and have not received the same grace and protection that I've been given. I will say it again, sexual freedom as the world defines it is bondage. True sexual freedom is ONLY found in Christ when the lost soul realizes the one that they rejected and scoffed is the One that died to set them free. But it doesn't end there, Christ is risen! He reigns on high! And He's still working! He sees you lost one, He sees you broken and contrite when you think no one else sees you. Don't let it be too late and end up saying, I wish I listened to that person. It's not too late. He forgives, He heals. Confess your sins to Him. He's listening and His arms are wide open to receive you.

If you are not a believer, you are dead in your sins, you're a slave to them. Christ is the only way out from the bondage and slavery of sin. He took the wrath that should've been poured out on you. He loves you and hates your sin, He's not indifferent to your sins. Because God is holy and just, He cannot stand the sight of sin before Him. Sin will be judged.

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23).


In Christ you are a new creation. He died for every single sin you've committed and will commit. There's two ways to live, for yourself. The result of that is a wasted life that leads to death. If you live for Christ, you will have life and have it abundantly and for all eternity you'll be with Him.

She said, "No one, Lord."

John 7:53-8:11
English Standard Version (ESV)


The Woman Caught in Adultery

53[[They went each to his own house,
John 8
1but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. 2 Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. 3The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst 4they said to him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery.5Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?" 6This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. 7And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, "Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her." 8And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. 9But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. 10Jesus stood up and said to her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" 11She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said,"Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more."]]

The pastor at the church that I attend presented a sermon this past Sunday on this portion of Scripture. As he read, I couldn't stop thinking about the woman's response to Jesus; she called him her Lord. I'm not sure if Jesus elsewhere in the Gospel or book of John has been called Lord yet, I'm going to ask my pastor about this. Already what my pastor taught on this struck the very core of my heart but yet I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that this woman called Jesus her Lord. Simon Peter had called Jesus, The Christ, Son of the Living God (Matt. 16:16). Simon Peter was Jesus's disciple too.

I'm completely fascinated with this woman's faith, because I believe she understood the full scope of the Gospel. She simply could've answered like the Pharisees and called Jesus, Teacher. She could've also called Him her Savior but she calls Him Lord. This woman is exposed in front of everyone; she knows she's guilty as guilty can be. The shame she's dealing with. She could've been on her knees begging for God to have mercy on her, but she doesn't say anything. This kinda seems like a small precursor to Jesus standing before Pilate being falsely accused. This woman was guilty of course.

At the very same time, this very scenario involving this woman I kept thinking that this could be a picture of mankind standing before Christ the Judge for judgment and there is no defense to prove man's innocence. He is guilty as guilty can be and his punishment is death. "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 6:23)."

Many people out there claim to be Christians and those of us that are, how often do we really live as if He's the Lord of our lives. That He's given us a free gift that we don't deserve. He told the woman to stop sinning because I've given you this free gift, I've given you better things. Your life is found in me not these things that your making yourself slaves to. In Christ, you're His prisoner now and that's a good thing. Who gives good things to a prisoner. When you're a prisoner of sin you're blind to it, you don't realize it until it's too late. And that's every kind of sin not just sexual sin. So why do we keep playing with these lousy mud pies that can't satisfy. We strive and strive and strive for better things in this life but the best thing that we need. We kick it, beat, stomp, crush the most valuable gift ever given to us. The gift that sets us free and reconciles us to God, Christ. We treat Him less than He is and why does He love us and pursue us when we don't deserve any of it?

Continuing: