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It's so easy to go back to what you know [old sin habits] and not trust what God has in store. Immediately I was convicted by the Holy Spirit with 2 Peter 2:20-21(ESV):
"For if, after they have escaped the defilements of the world through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, they have again entangled in them and overcome, the last state has become worse for them than the first. For it would've been better for them never to have known the way of righteousness than after knowing it to turn back from the holy commandment delivered to them."
This chapter mainly focuses on false teachers and apostles and I highly recommend reaching the whole book of 2 Peter. These two verses really struck me because I have a very hard time believing that with all the wrongs that I have in my past, God would bring me a godly man that truly loves me. Instead of letting God be the Judge and have the final say over all matters in my life, I take that authority and condemn my own self when already Paul says in Romans 8:1 -
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."
Satan wants to rob me of my new found freedom and enslave me from what Christ has set me free from. I confess that it is a struggle to trust in the saving grace of Christ Jesus. All of this is foreign to my sinful nature, it's not natural. In today's society, it's all about instant gratification and self-hedonism. I try to bargain with God and justify why He should give me what I want. God quickly points out my heart's deception; being that I am His daughter then the Holy Spirit brings me before Jesus who I just realized that I'm running away from the true love of my love, again. My Dad, God Almighty, rich in love and mercy points out why this would be a very bad thing for me to disobey Him.
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