Am I Lovely? Captivating?

The thought of answering this question makes my stomach tie I'm knots . Yes I know Jesus loves me but I don't fully understand how the Almighty King of Glory would be head over heels in love with me. The small number of men that have professed love for me sent me packing and running for the hills.
The very thing I desire that deep intense saturating love that all women long for, my Saviour feels the very same way about me. After all He did create for this unique reason. It makes me want to cry and the core of my soul aches because I try to fulfill this desire with everything except going to the One who designed me to have that desire completely fulfilled in him.
On my own will I walk on shaky ground because my flesh says you're not loved but Christ says He loves me.
Because of my utter failure to grab hold and treasure the sweetest gift of love I could ever receive, I have robbed sexual intimacy and sexual integrity from it's original design. Sadly I bear the greatest pain and greatest frustration. It is only in the wisdom of Christ and His sufferings on the cross for my sins, my shame and guilt have been taken away.
How blessed I should be that He did not appoint me to become a single mom. His grace is truly sufficient because I am standing in the heart of my weakness and it hurts like no other. His Spirit has not abandoned me and it's in my weakness, every corner and crevice is exposed.
I am suffering because of my own disobedience but in His discipline I have understanding of the goodness of His ways, His unfailing love and tender mercies. The battle is clinging to the Cross and the Authority of Christ. He has to renew my mind daily and I am whining like a two year old about it.
And it's in my whining His wisdom do I see how much He saved me from calamity, that He knows what's best for me and how impatient I am with him when it comes to love.
I take heart that He has redeeming powers when I fall to my own evil devices and delight in the mudpies of lustful instant gratification.
You all struggle with an area of sin that makes us ask this question, am I truly captivating? If God is captivated by us, it's time to heavenward because my viewfinder is smashed and oh how I need Him.  All glory to God that He's going to help us.