When I think about all the poor decisions I made during my latter teen years and throughout my college years, I'm so thankful that I truly belong to God. No one ever told me that the man is supposed to pursue you, not you (woman) do the pursuing. I pursued because I got tired of the rejection and the abandonment. But what I really did was tell God that He wasn't good enough for me, I'm going to do it my way. And I did; I took matters into my own hands and decided that I'd no longer care about the outcome. Satan truly had me deceived.
"But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions-it is by grace you have been saved. (Ephesians2: 4,5 NIV)"
God used an unbelieving man that I completely fell head over heels in love with to break my world in two. I was broken beyond what any mortal could repair. I knew that God was the one that needed to put me back together again. Because of that verse above is the only reason I can right this blog and declare this to you. I stopped pursuing the guys, for the first time in my life I was using God's counsel and the Spirit's discernment.
No more pursuing, if I feel just a little bit iffy I back down. I don't even try to test the water with my tippy toes, I see the lake but continue to walk on the trail.
Jesus didn't abandon me like all the other guys did; He pursued me. I realized how much I hurt His heart and how much I had hurt mine. He forgave me, held me in His loving arms and he told me that he'd never leave me or forsake me. Over the course of a year He brought me back to restoration. It became so clear to me that He truly loves me. Soon after I didn't want what my eyes wanted. I want what Jesus had in store for me. I knew I could wait for Him to provide. All I needed to do was trust His perfect timing. Iin Jesus I understood that I was free to be myself because I am blameless in His eyes, a daughter of the Most High and a Princess in God's Royal Priesthood.
Once I rooted my identity in Jesus Christ and began to live it out, the guys quickly begin to fall through the cracks. I'm bethrothed to the King who is coming back to rule the world. Realizing that I'm loved beyond my comprehension. I always tell God, if He's anything like Jesus, I know he's going to take my breath away. Now I wait with excited anticipation with a peace in my soul that only God gives.
To put it into the best words to sum up how God redeemed me. I disobeyed God just as Israel did in the Book of Hosea and now eagerly awaits His return as in The Parable of the Ten Virgins
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